Anxiety - Welcoming the unpopular “Dinner guest”
When I first started out as a psychologist, I went to a seminar in which the expert speaker painted a picture for us of our thoughts and feelings like guests at our own personal dinner party. Many popular guests show up, like Relaxation, Happiness, or Excitement…but then many times we notice…Anxiety! Dun-dun-DUN!!! How did it get in?! What do we do?! Our first instinct is often to run away or even fight it – get it (or me) out of here! That trickster, Anxiety, slips through the cracks whenever we try to bar the doors and windows – there is no way to seal ourselves off from this feeling of discomfort, and if we try, chances are we'll end up frustrated, disappointed, and maybe even more scared.
There is a way, however, for us to manage and go about our day. What if we work over time to welcome Anxiety instead: “Hello, Anxiety! Welcome!” ** With practice, we can allow it to be in our “body-home” and we can learn how it is perfectly natural and valid to feel anxious (or anything else that you may be feeling) – and more importantly, that we need not completely rid ourselves of this feeling. If we give it time, our brain will observe that there is indeed no present threat to us, only impending “what ifs?” and we can complete the cycle of anxiety.
Believe it or not, a moderate amount of anxiety is good! It’s what gets us to work on that tough task, make a relationship change, join that school club, or change a particular habit. Too little anxiety, and we are unbothered – too much, and we’re stuck! Roughly the right amount of anxiety gives us the boost we need. Let’s give Anxiety a chance to come in, maybe it will teach us something about what is important to us in that moment, and then, as we do our best to turn our attention to whatever we might like to…Anxiety will maybe grab some chips, maybe a sip of soda, and then it will get bored and leave on its own.
So if you have ever tried to tell Anxiety to “get out and stay out!” but it keeps sneaking in again, send me a message and we can begin working together to help you manage your anxiety and learn how to welcome it whenever it arises. Take care.
**Please note, this post is applicable to sources of anxiety that are NOT a present danger of harm or abuse to anyone. This post is about anxieties such as school/work, socializing, obsessions and compulsions, or others, not about anxieties such as someone endangering you or a loved one. For such emergency situations, please call 911 in an immediate physical crisis, or call 866-427-4747 any time 24/7 for non-emergency crisis services in many counties across Washington State including King County.
